Facebook post I'm saving as a blog for my records.
Hey guys, going forward (and well, i’ve started already) I’m going to share honestly what’s going on with me. I see Facebook as having so much great potential to be a real community. Currently, when I look through my newsfeed, after about 5 minutes I hate myself. It’s not because you guys are posting such wonderful things, but because I have made myself wrong for not having those things - a happy relationship, a passionate purposeful career, perfect splits, inner peace… you get my point.
I spent so much of my life afraid to share what wasn’t… happy. There’s nothing wrong with happy, but when I make it the only allowable expression within myself, then a huge part of me gets denied.
I’ve been telling the parts that feel scared, or not good enough, or unlovable that they are the ‘bad’ parts of me. I’ve been pushing them down instead of loving them and allowing them to heal.
I’ve been living as a thin papery shell instead of the warm, throbbing person that I am, and then I wondered why I had low self-esteem. I wondered why I was so dependent on others for me to feel good.
For months now, I’ve been asking myself and others - how do I actually LOVE MYSELF? (independent of others’ feelings for me). Well, this is the first thing I’ve stumbled upon that’s actually working. Acknowledging how I’m actually feeling, and sharing it in a responsible way. Not blaming or judging, but letting myself feel what’s really coming up, and then observing the intense reactions it’s bringing up in me.
So, how does that relate to the Facebook?
1. If you are sad, you share in a post.
2. Because I see that, I can feel love by reaching out and showing you I care, and you'll experience that someone cares about you.
3. By you sharing you’re sad, you're showing yourself love by acknowledging how you authentically feel (not making yourself wrong for it).
4. Instead of isolating yourself in this sadness, you’re exercising courage in your vulnerability, which is also so loving to your self.
5. One of your friends who feels sad but considers that a ‘bad’ feeling sees your share and feels less alone. “I’m not the only one,” he thinks. “I’m not bad for feeling sad. I don’t have to numb it. Feelings come and go. I love myself and right now I’m feeling sad. I’ll be ok.”
The more of us that share what we're authentically feeling in this moment, the more we support each other in healing.
And then people may share what they're noticing about themselves:
“Woah, I noticed I got really angry in traffic. After about 2 seconds I realized the anger wasn’t about the traffic, but from me leaving a voicemail earlier that didn’t go exactly as I planned and I’m judging myself for it. I’m literally beating myself up mentally for leaving the message “wrong” because now I think the person, whose opinion I care about, is going to look down on me for it. I realize how much power I give away to others. I'm basing how I feel about myself on how I perceive this person is perceiving me. Also, wow, that ego 'controller' self is literally raging at me that I didn't act within the boundaries of what it considers perfect. But wow, it was setting those tight parameters because it was trying to keep me safe. So I don't need to be mad it. I can love it and thank it for protecting me, and tell it I'm an adult now. And I want to experience more of myself. And I'm safe. And I've got this. WOW. I'm so thankful this happened so I can see all of these old reactions coming up in me!"
Woah… and yes, that did literally happen to me the other day. When I get to see even a glimmer of how my mind is working, I feel a little space between me and that reaction. With that space I feel calmer and can start to act intentionally (not just out of reaction).
I see a lot of people posting memes and quotes saying things like “be yourself,” but my challenge for anyone who’s up for it is instead of posting a meme, actually post something vulnerable and scary from your heart. Instead of talking about being real, BE REAL. Share if you’re uncomfortable, scared or… whatever! What I experience when someone shares vulnerably is that I then feel in a more loving space to acknowledge my uncomfortable feelings & reactions. I start to turn the lights on in shadowy places. And I start to feel like I’m ok, like I am a warm, throbbing, human being who is alive. I also feel a connection forming between me and that person. Real-ness. Humanness.